Monday, February 9, 2009

Goodbye, dear brother


Any ability to think clearly right now has been knocked out of me, kind of like losing wind in a sucker-punch to the gut. So I'll turn to some thoughts from the past. This is a poem I wrote at age 9 for the school Reflections contest. The theme that year was "What a Family Means to Me."

My Baby Brother's smile brightens up the room.
My Baby Brother's smile lifts the fog and gloom.
I think my Baby Brother's smile is very nice,
Especially when it opens up to eat his rice!
I like my Baby Brother's smile,
It's fun to play with for a while.
My Baby Brother likes it too.
Maybe someday he will show it to you!

It's simple and pedantic, but it embodies to me the joy my brother Ben brought into my life. He had such a huge heart. I will remember him as the crowing baby who turned heads at the JCPenney photo studio, so full of delight was his loud cooing. I will remember him as the boy who befriended the child other kids bullied at the school busstop. I will remember him as the tween who pleaded for us to take some of our groceries back to a "Will Work for Food" sign bearer at the store's entrance. I will remember him as the young man who wrote my husband and me a big check when we were unemployed.

Ben wasn't perfect. He had problems and sadness, and that saddens me too. Yet I know he's in a place where he can recapture happiness and continue to grow. I know families are forever, that I have the chance to see him again.

This is what a family means to me.

4 comments:

Circe said...

Jennifer, that is heartbreaking and beautiful. I can see the depth of your love for your brother, and we are thinking of you and your family and sharing in your sorrow. If Ben was anything like his sister, he was truly extraordinary.

The Brown's said...

Jennifer, this is truely a sad time for you, but I see that you are able to find the positive from Ben's life to remember him by. Know that we are thinking and praying for you and your family at this time. The girls send you their love too!

Nora Mair said...

What a touching poem--I'm so sorry for your loss. You were such a strength to me when we were so low--I hope to be able to draw on your example and return some support. Thoughts and prayers.

Janice said...

Jennifer, so sorry to hear about Ben's death. My prayers are with you.