Things that make you go "hmmm" ...
While Mom looks on warily, Emma, Elise and Kyle engage in a tradition even better than trick-or-treating:
sort-and-trading.
Halloween 2006
MEMO
To: Oh wise sugar guardians
Re: Proven candy control methods
Please help! Tell me what works for you. My effectiveness is melting faster than an M&M, and they do so melt in your hand.
It was the ward Halloween party and trunk-or-treat last night. Fabulous gig. Lots of creativity on display, lots of camraderie. LOTS OF CANDY.
7:30 p.m. Saturday: "I got more candy than I ever imagined!" said an elated James as we left.
12:30 p.m. Sunday: "I can't believe I ate all that candy in two days!"
Correction, James. Make that one day. Or, to be more precise, when factoring in sleep time and church, only about three hours.
I know there are dental-conscious, behavior-coaching mothers out there who are appalled at this revelation. Truth be told, I would be too in my early days.
Here's the anthropological progression. First child: take him trick-or-treating to two houses, let him eat a piece of candy at home that night, and send him to bed an extremely happy child. Leave any extra pieces out carelessly on the counter. He'll hardly notice. Enjoy them yourself at will -- naptime's a good choice.
Two kids: Stand a far enough distance from door that crawler in your arms doesn't see her costumed brother is getting candy. That plan foiled, buy her silence with a Dum Dum. Put baby to bed before sorting 3-year-old's goodie bag. Give him one piece with a promise for another tomorrow. Pretend to leave bag at Grandma's. Alternately, hide the bag once home. It will be but a distant memory in about a week.
Three kids: Try to keep youngest from stealing from the others' candy bags as you romp through the neighborhood. Still gamely try to portion out loot over the next several days. Yet, oldest is remarkably brand-savvy and becoming a good negotiator. Repeatedly give in to "Mom, can I have another piece? I'll give you a Reese's."
Four kids: Just give up. No kitchen shelf is high enough for their collective ingenuity.
But wait!
Five kids: Now you have to be a referee because oldest, who considers himself too old to do the work, still wants the candy and will taunt the others.
So that's where I stand. My early efforts to instill self-discipline and make their Halloween candy last at least until November have completely disintegrated. I don't understand it. I could make my own childhood Halloween conquests last until practically Christmas -- MID-DECEMBER, PEOPLE! -- by pulling my bag out from under my bed every day after school to sample one glorious piece. Actually, by Thanksgiving it was hardly worthwhile, with only hard candies and Bit-o-honey left, but still I soldiered on.
Perhaps to console myself, I've decided that maybe getting rid of it all at once isn't so bad for the teeth, as long as the belly can tolerate it. Plus it means that Mom doesn't have to keep dressing up like a witch beyond Oct. 31.
I've done my own trading. I've changed my one-piece-a-meal policy for new rules:
• "Daddy tax" is non-negotiable.
• Don't let Samuel have anything he can choke on.
• If you steal from someone else's bag, that person gets to choose TWO of your pieces.
• "Daddy tax" can be levied hourly. Sorry, Mom has no control on this one.
• Each candy wrapper Mom picks up off the floor entitles her to a piece of her choice.
• You're out, you're out.
• Brush your teeth thoroughly.
6 comments:
Your writing is delightful! I love it and totally relate. My anthropological progression went just like that. Now I let them eat all they want for two days, then eat the rest of the chocolate and throw the rest in the garbage. Yes, I'm teaching them to snarf up candy as fast as they can, but I can't pick up wrappers for more than two days, max. You snooze, you lose.
I can totally relate. Our ward trunk or treat was equally successful. I heard an idea from a friend once. The night of trick or treating they let their kids pig out, after that they are done. The mom then takes their stash, sorts it for things she can use in baking - like M&M's, Heath Bars etc., and then tosses the rest. In the morning, when the kids awake, the Halloween fairy has left them a small present in their Halloween buckets - like a My little pony or something under $10 bucks.
I'm not sure how that would go over in my house. I'm as bad as the kids. I could eat chocolate day or night. Good luck!
I love your new rules. They're the same at my house but only after 3 kids. And the "mommy-tax" is quite a bit heavier at our house, unfortunately for mommy's clothes that are getting tighter by the day. My sister-in-law buys her candy from her kids then stashes it in their food storage. It might be something happy to pull out in the face of an emergency. Then she rotates it every year.
I like your new rules. Works for me, especially the part about choosing a piece of candy for every wrapper I pick up.
@Amanda: Rotate? As in hand back out to trick-or-treaters? :)
A couple in one of our previous wards rotated their children's candy at the ward trunk or treat. Every piece their children brought back was dumped into the bowl they were handing out.
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